I know, it's not much of a bump yet, but give us a little time...it'll get there!
I wanted to share a little bit (or maybe a lot) of our pregnancy story today. Each & every person has a unique story, written by God. For some, pregnancy comes as a surprise, for others, they hope expectantly each month for those two pink lines & for some, you've been trying so long--you've just given up even buying a stick each month.
Well, that last one was me. Ben & I were trying almost 1.5 years before God chose to make my womb fruitful. It was definitely a roller coaster trip of emotions--hopefulness, expectancy, disappointment, sadness, jealousy, hopefulness again, but each month seemed to end with disappointment. I knew in my heart, that the Lord had our future & the future of our children in his hands, but I still couldn't help feeling disappointed. I wanted Him to work on my timeline.
I think it was about 6-8 months into our journey of trying to get pregnant, that I finally even voiced to a few people that we were trying to have children. I guess, I didn't want to get people all excited & have them waiting for me to share with them the good news, when I wasn't sure if we were even going to be able to get pregnant. When I finally did share with those few people, that yes, we were trying, but also that we were struggling, it was such a relief. Ben & I felt that the burden was no longer solely resting on our shoulders, but that we had a little army of warriors carrying it with us, and praying for us.
Slowly, Ben & I were able to open up & share with more people about our difficulty getting pregnant & some of that disappointment & sadness was healed by encouragement & prayers from those dear to us.
Once, we finally reached the year mark, we were able to start seeing the doctor, to explore the world of infertility. A little scary, but we were ready to find out what or if there was anything wrong. I think one of the hardest parts of that whole year beforehand, was just the unknown. It's easy to fear what we do not know. And I know that I definitely fell into that trap more than once. I was actually looking forward to these tests in a way, as they might lead us to some answers. All the while, I knew in my heart, that infertility or not, God could work a miracle in my body whenever & however he wanted--despite what any testing may prove.
The fertility testing took a few months to get to the part where we actually were having some testing done. I had blood work done here & there to test for different signs of infertility. About a month or so later, I had results from some of the blood work that showed I probably didn't ovulate. However, they still had more tests to run before we explored that road more.
In one test, they actually told me that I did not ovulate that month...so I thought to myself, well, at least I know not to get my hopes up this month about being pregnant!
But some strange things happened that month, that were actually making it difficult for me to remember what the doctor had said. My mom, who had been praying for our infertility for a very long time, was praying for us one day & just uncontrollably, spouted out the words, "Lord, protect those babies!" (She really wanted twins.)...She told me the story and I thought.....that's weird....what if....no, impossible.
Then, my next door neighbor, shared with me a dream she had, where I was pregnant. I joked with her and said, "maybe you're prophetic" and she looked at me seriously, and said, "it wouldn't be the first time". Again, I thought....what if, maybe? And then I shook it out of my head.
And of course, just like the Lord, I felt a small tugging on my heart all month long, that I was pregnant. He even gave me some scripture that I felt in my heart was for us & our baby, but I kept remembering the disappointment I had felt each time I had gotten to hopeful about being pregnant, and would always dismiss what I now know that He was placing on my heart.
On September 27th, I was scheduled for another round of tests, in which they required me to take a pregnancy test before hand because of the x-rays I would be exposed to. Since, I had been having all these crazy feelings all month & interesting encounters, I decided I would take one at home before I went to the doctor....just in case.
I took the test, and waited. and waited.
Finally, I got up the nerve to look at the test & squinted & did a double take because it looked as though there was a faint second line there. WHAT??!! What does that mean?? Is that a MAYBE you're pregnant? a YES? I was clueless. I ran down the stairs to Ben & just blurted out, "Ben, I think I'm pregnant."
"What do you mean, you think?" I showed him the stick & the questionable second line...we were both so hopeful, but didn't fully know what to make of it.
Good thing we had round two at the hospital, they would know.
So we did our thing, went to our appointment & took another pregnancy test while we waited to have the x-ray done. The nurse called our name & took us into her office & told us, "Well, we can't do your test today because it turns out, you're PREGNANT!"
You'd have thought we would have seen that coming, but really I think we were dumbstruck with awe, wonder, disbelief, & amazement. It was all so much. And to think, we would find out that we had naturally conceived on our way to an infertility test. Only God could orchestrate it in such a way!
So that's our little story, the story God wrote for us.
All I have to say is that His timing is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.